Grief

Definitions:

Grief: Grief is what we feel when we experience a psychological trauma. Unlike physical trauma, it is not always outwardly visible and you may not be aware of what it is your feeling.

Mourning: Mourning is the process of psychological healing. It is not the same for everyone. We all mourn in different ways and at different rates. There are however similarities in how we all mourn. Everyone eventually goes through four tasks in the mourning process.

The death of a loved one or fellow soldier is one of the most profound of all sorrows.  The grief that comes from such a loss is intense and multifaceted, effecting our emotions, our bodies, and our lives.  Grief can be preoccupying and depleting.  Emotionally, grief is a mixture of raw feelings such as sorrow, anguish, anger, regret, longing, fear, disappointment, blame and deprivation.  Grief experienced physically can be felt in forms of exhaustion, emptiness, tension, sleeplessness, and loss of appetite.

“Grief” is usually defined as the response to loss.  Grieving is an internal process involving various psychic tasks, including changing our relationships to the deceased, making sense of the loss and establishing a new identity.  For soldiers experiencing a sudden or violent loss of one of their comrades, dealing with the grief may be a difficult but not an impossible process if done constructively.

WHY WE ARE ILL PREPARED TO DEAL WITH LOSS?

1)        We’re taught (in our culture) to acquire things not to lose them.

2)        We’re taught that acquiring things will help them feel happy or (more) complete.

3)         We’re taught that if they lose something that its quick replacement makes the loss easier.

Though necessary, grief is not easy. Sometimes we attempt to “numb the pain” with alcohol and drugs.  While this works initially, it may make pain last longer and can cause severe complications. Research shows that when people don’t deal with the emotions of grief, pain remains and can emerge in unrecognizable and sometimes destructive ways.

WHAT TO EXPECT: People who lose something important to them may feel depressed, sadness, anger, frustration, guilt, shock and numbness. Physical sensations can include fatigue, generalized weakness, shortness of breath or tightness in your chest, and/or dry mouth. Behavioral manifestations may include appetite loss, insomnia, retreating socially, crying, and/or nightmares. These are normal responses to loss. If they continue beyond a few months, you might consider seeking professional assistance. People grieve differently. Some find talking to others eases their pain; others prefer to keep  to themselves. Grieving takes time—weeks, months, and even years. People don’t heal on schedule; emotions do ease over time. Often, several emotions are experienced at once; depth and duration depends on the relationship to the deceased, our past experience of loss, and how those around us are grieving.

WHAT YOU CAN DO:

Causes of Death

How one dies will have a powerful effect on how we grieve.  Sudden deaths, especially violent or accidental deaths, provoke our greatest shock, anxiety, and distress.  Violent deaths may make us feel vulnerable and fearful.  Such deaths may provoke our rage or indignation at the injustice of the death.  Suicide may arouse unfounded guilt or a sense of failure among the survivors.  Any sudden death can provoke many questions, doubts, and concerns.  We wonder “why did this happen?”,  “who is to blame?” and  “could it have been prevented?”.  Sudden deaths feel unnatural.  The search for meaning of the loss can challenge a survivors belief system.

Myths of Mourning

 What can you do for a grieving person?

OFFER EMOTIONAL SUPPORT

•Be present if you can
•Be a good listener
•Encourage independence
•Be patient
•Reassure him or her